Finding a good playlist is hard to find when you are a victim of emotional and narcissistic abuse. I searched for some online and didn’t have much luck, so I decided to create my own list of songs that I have collected over the past couple years that have helped me. There are so many great songs that capture the emotional turmoil a victim of abuse feels. Listening to music that captures how you feel can help heal your heart and mind during the most difficult times. I have personally added these songs to my playlist and listen to them when I need it. Please feel free to comment below if you have any songs that you feel should be added to the list. Take a peek at my new blog post More Playlist Songs for Narcissistic Abuse with an updated list of songs. Most of the songs came from people like you who recommended them.
I also created a playlist on Spotify that you can listen to with all the songs I have listed, so check it out! 🙂
- Warrior – Demi Lovato This is one of my favorite songs because it captures how I have felt for the past few years. After all the anger and disappointment in a relationship built on lies and deceit. I know that Demi wrote this song about her own personal battles, but if you read the lyrics you can see how true to the core this song is. Thus, this is the song that has inspired me to bring out my “Thriving Warrior” team name.
2. Jar Of Hearts – Christina Perri This song is another one of my personal favorites. The lyrics in this song is so powerful and captures the emotional battles and the cycles of abuse a victim goes through.
3. Bad Blood – Taylor Swift I believe that Taylor has been through a string of relationships with narcissists. She has a lot of great songs that relate to being in an emotionally abusive relationship. I couldn’t find the version with just her and it is more emotional than the version with Kendrick Lamar. If you read her lyrics, you can feel her pain and relate to them on your own level.
4. Mean – Taylor Swift This is another one of my favorite songs from Taylor. She sings about how verbal abuse affected her. If you read her lyrics and see how she talks about how he always cuts her down with his words. But this song is lighter and gives you hope after the abuse, that you can move on and be happy without this abusive relationship.
5. Let It Go – James Bay This is a great song for any type of breakup or relationship gone bad. But I recognized some of the lyrics in this song that I definitely relate to. “I used to recognize myself It’s funny how reflections change” is one of the verses that stands out for me. How we see everything differently after the abuse, being so happy and in love in the beginning of the relationship to end up only a shell of ourselves.
6. Try – Colbie Caillat This song holds so much meaning for me, from all the cycles of abuse (15 years of it) that I have endured from my narcissistic husband. I was made to believe that all the problems in our marriage were caused by me and that I had to change and do everything the way I was expected. It was a never-ending cycle of disappointment. I would try so hard, but it was never good enough. In the lyrics there is so much I can relate to from my life, it is like it was written for me. I still get very emotional when I listen to this song, yet I know it is all behind me now…
7. Who You Are – Jessie J Going through a verbally abusive relationship, this song really hit me because she sings to your soul. “Just be true to who you are!” is a verse in the song that speaks to me. Plus when she says “It’s okay not to be okay” is reassuring to a victim when we are going through the emotional turmoil. Read the rest of her lyrics, they are so powerful.
8. Hot N Cold – Katy Perry I love Katy Perry and her music and I used to relate to this song way before I realized I was married to a Narcissist. One verse from the lyrics that really stands out for me is “It’s black and it’s white” because he would always say to me there are no gray areas here, it is either black or white. And also when she sings “And I can’t get off this ride” is like the typical cycles of abuse and how we are always sucked back in. It is like a sick and twisted roller coaster ride from hell!!
9. Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You) – Kelly Clarkson Of course you need to have a little of Kelly Clarkson on this list! I love this strong because it empowers us to stand up to the abuse and move on. From her lyrics one of my favorite verses is “Thanks to you I’m finally thinking about me” This song is about exactly what she is singing, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Moving on and beginning again is the best part!
10. Human – Christina Perri This song signifies how I felt throughout my marriage, pretending to be happy in an abusive relationship. Years of trying to live up to his expectations and trying to make him happy even though it was never enough. Living through the shame and embarrassment from all the lies he would tell people about me. It takes a lot of courage to stand up to your abuser, and yes we are only human. But breaking away from your abuser feels like you are super human. This song and the lyrics remind us that it is okay to fall apart, it is okay to feel, it is okay to leave and that is the hardest part.
I hope this playlist is helpful to you. If you have any other songs that you feel should definitely be on this list, please comment below. Enjoy!
I just wanted two songs that have helped me also heal from narcissistic abuse. Paper Doll by Bea Miller and I Am Not Nothing by Beth Crowley. Both are really amazing to put on repeat and just soak up the courage and healing.
“I Am Not Nothing” is the best song for anyone who has been in or is currently in any type of abuse.
I was blessed to be a musician and teacher. My love of music got me through years of abuse. I broke down and burned out in 2015. Stopped playing and went on a healing journey. I am healing now and getting back to music again.
GIRL- by Maren Morris! Was/is such a mood booster.. make you feel all bad a** even at that low place!
Thank you very much. I needed something close to what I was feeling (both)
Thanks to the great manual
Can’t believe but some of these songs are what I kept listening to in my tough days .. I’m still not sure if what I’m going through is really narcissistic abuse .. thanks for sharing.
Hope you could ‘diagnose’ your partner…watch the channel Dr. Ramani…she is an EXPERT on the subject of narcissism and explains in a very engaging, clear manner ALL you need to know.
For more sophisticated explanation of narcissistic abuse prof Sam Vaknin on YT is an educator that trying to reverse neglect of NA by therapists psychologists and psychiatrist by educating them on narcissism. Most of mental health professionals are not aware that even complex trauma or Stockholm syndrome is easier to heal then Narcissistic abuse.
I am totally aware of how we suffer abuse from covert narcs but they are so skilled, we are not actually “sure”. Reach out if you want to chat.
Thanks for the great article
It works quite well for me
One so g I would add is by Rachel Platten- Fight Song. States how everyone is worried about her, I get that’s from the relationship she’s finally moving on from via the song!
like that by Bea Miller
The Cure by Little Mix
Thanks for the article.
Kelsea ballerini I Miss Me More
YES YES YES!!!! I just got out of a 5 year relationship with a narcissist and almost married him. Before I left I felt like I had lost every bit of myself trying to be enough for him. I would look in the mirror and feel like I didn’t even recognize the anxious, crying mess that was staring back at me. I missed who I was before all of his alcoholism and verbal and emotional abuse. Now, three months later my family and friends are telling me how much they missed me and they are so glad to have me back because I had become such a shell of a person. This song came on the other day while I was in the car with my sister right after she had told me that she was so glad to see me getting back to myself. Perfect song for the situation!!!
I am so glad that my blog helped you! I am so proud of you for getting out of the relationship. It is so hard and not many people can understand that. I hope your healing journey can begin and you can get back to being yourself again!! <3 <3 <3
A shell is what’s left. It mind blowing just how much damage. I had a narcissistic and physically abusive relationship I got out of two years ago and I’m still not whole yet. I can’t believe I allowed that, it’s everything I said I’d never put up with. Scary!! Stay strong ladies and get out!!
I am sitting here and crying after searching for narcissistic abuse music as I decided to start a YouTube channel and home beauty blog as well as write an eBook on homemade beauty products. for women in narcistic abusive relationships. I just wanted to say thank you for your blog. I am very new to all this and he tells me I will fail and I work online but I will never get anywhere. I am myself still stuck in one of the worst narcistic relationships of my life. Music has helped me tremendously through a lot of the downs. Christina Aguilera songs like “I will be”. “Fall in line” a duet with Demo Lovato. and also a few others, such as the one she sings with Lady Gaga “Do what you want with my body”, but I cannot even listen lately though as he plays his music even louder like an immature child. I love all of these songs and listen to music for comfort. It helps knowing you are not alone as they tend to somehow make us alienate those we love. I was shouted at last night and told that he doesn’t love me repeatedly saying, “I don’t love you, I’m not scared of you, I see nothing.” That is how they talk to me on repeat – as they do. Ii have started to close my ears to not hear him. I go cold and can’t cry because when I do, he tells me I should go for an academy award or an Oscar. it is hard when you live together yes, I am a strong woman and I too isolated myself from my loved ones. the one person who makes me even stronger is my 16year old son (not his son) but I am getting out of this for him and soon because our lives deserve to be better and that is why I am working online and trying all avenues of online business including writing and digital content creation, finishing an e-Book about homemade spa beauty recipes, upskilling myself as much as possible because I lost my job during lockdowns. I am determined to make it and forge an independent lifestyle for my son and I where we don’t need anyone else. i am determined and nothing will stop me. I just wish I could start seeing the earnings sooner rather than later. It is hard to work in front of someone who always tells you how you will fail. then takes away the laptop so you cannot work on it…I am so over it and him. but have to wait to get away and out of this but I know it will be soon. My love to you all:)
Watch the channel ‘Dr Ramani’…she is an expert on narcissistic abuse and there you will learn ALL you need to know to remove yourself from this abuse.
It’s hard because of fear of everything even trying to pack. You know they will see it. So best to organize and put clean paper towel on shelves so it just looks like nice housekeeping. If U can get anyone to come by on the day your trying to run as a witness / if they are there he won’t escalate as much. Just a person to stand by as a watch person. Grab your stuff within an hour. Your Son deserves to see what healthy relations can be or at the none are better than him that. I put up my tent and he came back early as he knew I was planning to run. Then he started yelling. Threw a skillet of food and broke a coffee pot. The food I was eating went on the walls. As the waffle in my hand was crushed n covered in glass. I had to keep going even in fear. I ran to try and get a neutral witness n she was not going to get involved. She claimed her stomach hurt , had a period cramp. So I went back and started picking up my stuff as he was throwing it. Then the rangers showed up in the nick of time to keep him civil. And away from me and no more throwing of my things. I am free.
Loved this read/ listen, thank you! Started my pre recovery play list. Please please add:
Blank space, Taylor swift
Taylor Swift really captures the abuse I went through in ‘Dear John’. Like she read my diary.
‘And I lived in your chess game, but you changed the rules everyday’ or
‘Never impressed by me acing your tests’. Very powerful lyrics.
Taylor Swift got me through the 20 year marriage I had to a narcissist. So many of her songs capture emotional and verbal abuse perfectly. There are so many songs on this list I already had on a playlist to help me and some new ones I can’t wait to listen to as I continue my healing journey now that I am out of the relationship
Thank you so much! And thank you to everyone for the other song suggestions. Jar of Hearts made me cry so much….
Yes that song still makes me cry…
I’ve read several good stuff here. Definitely worth bookmarking for revisiting. I wonder how much effort you put to make such a great informative website.
Pray by Kesha!!!
Yessss!!
Thank you.
Thanks so much everyone – this has been so helpful as I am in the process of getting out of a a relationship with a vulnerable (covert) narcissist.
Two days before Christmas, my husband told me I needed to get mine and my daughter’s shit out of the house by January. After he called me a fucking whore and laughed in my face after seeing how upset I was I spent all Christmas day cleaning and clearing out a room for my daughter and I to move into while he was at his mother’s house. I cleared out our apt in one day while he was at work dec26. Now he’s sending messages telling me he fucked up and he’s sorry. Listening to The Cure by Little Mix ^^^recommended above officially my theme song.
Thank you for this!!! I’ve been in toxic narcissistic relationship for twenty years!! Been trying to get out for a few months and honestly still scared to go.inhope to find help through these songs.
They totally love to ruin any special holiday or event. This is an old post, but couldn’t help but reply. I hope things are good now. 💜
These songs are amazing.
I listen to turning tables by Adele.
This one makes me cry often.
Then set fire to the rain Adele helps it heal.
I was in a narcissistic, gaslighting marriage for 24yrs. I was programmed to think it was my fault because I have bipolar. You’re paranoid was his favourite come back or you’re seeing things. Oh yeah I saw it all and he denied it by making me think I was nuts.
The song that spesks for me most is Going under by Evanescence. It says it all. It gave me the strength to leave , without his influence, I can see clearly now. Though the damage is done and I am working on that.
We are in the same boat sweetie. 26 years for me. Im finally getting out. He sexually, mentally, emotionally, financially abused me. Its been rough and im sure its not over. I understand completely. The gaslighting alone was maddening. I have not reached out to anyone for help yet. Im here if you would like to talk. It does help, i think. The music really helps me, and i hope it does you too.
Take care.
Shake it out by Florence + the Machine. radio ALL the way up over and over has helped me through so really hard times after a horrible relationship
I just wanted to leave a note thanking you for this list. Music is such a crucial, healing thing for me, and it is so hard to think of the songs you need to hear when your mind feels fractured.
I’m just very recently seperated from my wife, and every day is a struggle.
Having been gaslit, manipulated, deceived, & threatened for so long has taken a tremendous toll on me.
I find myself having moments in the week since she left where I wonder if I imagined it all. It’s frightening what the experience has done to my mind.
And tonight, your words and music provided me some gratification, some reassurance, some more respect for myself, and some more hope.
For my part:
I Am The Highway by Audioslave/Chris Cornell has been a powerful song for me through this.
The live version at Queen Elizabeth Theatre is the most powerful, in my opinion.
Thank you again.
Richard, watch the channel PsychopathExposure…it is by a man who went through what you did…you won’t regret it. He has a way of addressing the abuse he went through that you could relate to as well as how he healed from it all.
Hi everyone! Firstly, thank you so much for this list. It’s really cathartic!
Im newly out of a long relationship. Leaving and staying away has been the hardest thing I’ve had to deal with! What has gotten me is that, I love him so much and it feels like we are supposed to be together. Meant to be per say. I’ve been married twice and a handful of relationships but with “him”, I FINALLY felt safe and the passion was really intense right off the bat, so we both fell hard for each other.
It took about 4 months for the true person to come out and by then, he had my heart.
I was in a really bad abusive/ narcissist relationship for 16 years. Before that, my father molested me. After the 16 year marriage, I was married to a man who was abusive when he drank. I was finally able to run one night after he threw a glass ashtray and gashed open my cheek under my eye.
So from the age of 15 to 38, I was put thru hell by every man in my life. And then I met this guy and I was in heaven. Or so I thought…. i think this one hurt the worst because for the first time, it was actual true love. I am so beyond attracted to him, even now being apart from him! But he’s the worst narcissist ive met and he was gaslighting me as well. I had no idea what that was until him. I still feel like I’m going crazy. Thankfully my best friend keeps me in check so I don’t start thinking im going crazy.
I changed everything about me for him. I was not allowed to go back to my 2 jobs after covid, I had to delete all social media, I was not allowed to talk to or see any of my friends or family. I was not allowed to go anywhere unless he was with me.
He CONSTANTLY thought I was checking out or wanting another man. I could not make eye contact or talk to or smile at anyone when we went anywhere.
It was just crazy! I could understand if I did something to warrant it but I didn’t. I was not even allowed to wear makeup (I only ever wear a little eye makeup) do my hair, or wear any revealing clothes. So I lived in sweat pants and hoodies for a long time.
I still have issues being in a store or around more than a few people at one time… even if I know them all, I’ll still have an anxiety attack. I have something that I never heard of until a couple months ago….
Relationship ptsd…
Lucky me
Rain, please watch the channel of Dr Ramani…an expert on narcissistic abuse – it will be a revelation to you…she addresses ALL aspects of narcissism, including what to do when you escape and how not to be hoovered back into the relationship.
Thank you so much for this list, and for all the stories shared in the comments. I am writing to you from Norway, found your list after googling for some music I could use to heal my heart and soul. I have been together with a horrible man for a few years, and we have a child together. Now I have finally left him, but I have to cooperate with him for many years. He still frightens me, and I have a lot of anxiety in having to meet him and text with him several times a week. Knowing that I’m not alone helps a lot. So thank you.
Christine, watch Dr Ramani’s videos…she is an expert on the subject…she also addresses how to cope with a narcissist after leaving him but sharing custody of a child…it will definitely GIVE YOU SKILLS.
Psychological war- Rory
“You Should Be Sad” by Halsey
(Original sounds like country but I prefer the Mike Mago remix which has dance/club sound and is faster).
Regardless of your musical preference, the lyrics are so incredibly on point for a leaving a Narcissistic man.
With lyrics like:
“I tried to help you
It just made you mad
And I had no warnin’
About who you are”
And
“ I really meant well from the start
Take a broken man right in my hands
And then put back all his parts”
“ you’re not half the man you think that you are
And you can’t fill the hole inside of you with money, drugs and cars
I’m so glad I never ever had a baby with you
‘Cause you can’t love nothin’ unless there’s somethin’ in it for you”
And
“You will never ever touch me again. So save your alligator tears ‘cause know I’ve had enough of them”
I can’t tell you how much this song resonates with me afterward finding out that my best friend (that i eventually dated) is a covert narcissist with sociopathic tendencies.
I had no idea the depths of lies and depravity he was capable of. He was never boisterous or outwardly bragging… he was much sneakier and more sinister. I had no idea a narcissist could be introverted and calm on the surface and doing so many wonderful things for people so they would do the bragging for him.
But he was pulling strings the entire time. He was a complete 180 of the person he pretended to be for so many years. I just didn’t see it until the end. But when his mask came off, And all of the narcissistic behaviors started to show, It was a huge gut punch. I feel like I lost everything. It took me a long time to except that the person I was mourning never existed.
It was only after I spoke with one of his previous girlfriends that’s so much more horrible things came to the surface. And thing is, he is so good at conning people, that even if future me went back in time to warn myself, I never would’ve believed it in 1 million years. And if I didn’t have the proof in front of my face the things that he has done, I would Begin to gaslight myself and believe it was my fault that everything went to hell. He was so good at playing the victim.
I’m just glad I got away and got the courage to block him everywhere. I continue to talk to his ex girlfriend on a regular basis and she and I have helped each other get through this. I wish I could reach out to a woman that he suddenly married because she has no idea what she’s in for. I truly fear for her.
He got married and was never going to tell me or his ex that he did it before me.
We also found out he had two children from different women that he won’t acknowledge.
He’s now been involved with multiple felonies .
There’s so much to the story. I’m sorry to have rambled on. But it is absolutely mind boggling how somebody who could be so kind and helpful and altruistic to all those around him could be so incredibly different beneath the surface.
I feel like I’m reading my story…. my ex was a covert narc and so a lot of what I would read didn’t seem to fit or make sense. He wasn’t braggy or showy, but like you said, it was more sneaky and sinister. Everyone loved him (except for the few who saw through his BS from the start, my mom and BFF for example) and he would claim all of these grandiose things about himself, saying his true calling was to be a “spiritual leader” and basically loved playing the role of wise teacher to all of his “students.” (VOMIT) He’s also an actor which is the perfect profession for him since he doesn’t actually have an identity of his own. I was with him on and off for about 8 years and NOW, ten years later, I’m *finally* admitting to myself that what happened was abuse. I can’t tell you how many times I cycled through it – maybe 7 or 8? It was like a horrible rollercoaster that I kept finding myself back on. Nightmare.
Lies, cheating, gaslighting, secrecy, silent treatment, stalking, triangulation and smear campaigns… I can’t believe I got out. I really can’t. I had a really hard time using the word “abuse” about what happened to me. I’ve always prided myself on being smart, brave and strong – and I still believe those things about myself now. But when I was in it – I was a total psychological and emotional wreck, and I couldn’t bring myself to admit that it was him doing these things to me. (And that I was just reacting to the abuse like any normal, kind person would.) I would gaslight myself and tell myself I was crazy and just had abandonment issues because of my dad – he made sure to help water this seed – but I had never been that way in any relationship before, and never again after.
I finally reached out to his most recent ex to find out if we had similar experiences and BOY HOWDY. It was enraging to hear all of the lies and twists he told about me, even silly things that didn’t even matter, and to hear about his pattern of abuse with her, and how similar it was to mine. Unfortunately, he got to her again and she’s “in talks to see if they can get back together.” I wish her well, and am forever grateful for her sharing her experience – extremely validating! But I have been where she is right now many times, and I will never judge her. It’s like you were saying – if future you could go back in time and warn past you, you still wouldn’t have listened. I feel the same about myself… I had to experience it and go through and see it for myself. I just hope it doesn’t take her as long as it took me.
My nex also has a felony, a string of business and financial failures, a supply list a mile long of women he’s used and discarded and then reeled back in under the guise of friendship so he can still have control, continue to use them, AND so he can use us all on his “romantic resume” to show how ‘worthy and redeemable’ he is. Ugh. No fuckin thanks. I have stories for days, as I know we all do… started a Google doc as these repressed memories have been popping back up and it’s up to 5 pages…. no signs of stopping. I’m so mad that I got rid of my old LiveJournal account. I kept a pretty tragic record of events. It is so bewildering to me that I went through SO much trauma from him and just did not see it as it was happening. Or if I did, I would allow myself to go back. It’s amazing what a little boundaries and self-respect can do, I’ll say that.
Anyway – thank you for sharing this. I have a therapy appt next week and I’ve just been learning and researching about this as much as I can trying to understand it. I don’t know if I ever truly will, but this has been a good start. I don’t know if you will see this reply, but if not, hopefully someone will and it will help them as these comments have helped me. <3
oh yeah also – Phil Collins’ “I Don’t Care Anymore” has been the perfect song for my situation. AND Florence and the Machine’s “Dream Girl Evil” can be applied to many situations, but her ferocity so inspires me.
“I’ve Had Enough” Melina KB
“Lemons” Brye (i prefer the version without Cavertown)
“Body” Jordan Suaste
These songs have made me feel less alone and have helped me on my journey to healing
Dolly Parton’s Light of a Clear Blue Morning
Sitting here on a Friday morning trying to create a playlist to help me. on 7/23/21 my husband of 25 years was diagnosed with Stage 3c Lung Cancer. During chemo and radiation he changed, decided he no longer wanted to be a husband or a father to our 17 year old son. In March I received a letter from an attorney that he wanted a divorce, also in March my son sent me a text with a video, he asked that I watch the video and then come and talk with him. It was about a child with an eating disorder and his confession to me about battling one. I called his pediatrician to make sure he was ok and we were instructed to go directly to the hospital. I called my soon to be x to let him know and he never bothered to call me, I almost lost my son, he almost died. Three weeks later, nothing from his father, he was getting ready to be discharged. He told me not to come home. During the process I also lost my job. I had no money. I stayed with a friend for a week, then my son started partial hospitalization and we were allowed to stay at the Ronald McDonald House, once discharged from there we had to leave. I am currently staying with a neighbor until our divorce is finalized. My son managed to finish highschool and graduate despite all of the setbacks. His father told him he should be ashamed of himself after all that he has done for him. He said that my son and I abandoned him. Today I have a phone conference with my attorney to discuss the proposal. I havent really had time to deal with all of the emotions.
Thank you
Thank you SO MUCH finally beginning to heal… Taylor Swift’s Midnights album has several songs that have helped me get stronger: Karma and Dear Reader and Bejeweled.
Hi Liza, I came across your website today and thought I’d share a song I wrote and recorded about a very nice lady I knew who was in an abusive relationship. She is now divorced and a much happier person. Her story inspired me to write this song.
You’ll never keep a good woman down.
https://youtu.be/AyAPtmu4tQg
It’s also on my website given below.
Thank you Johann, I love it! I will add your song to my list on my newer blog post as well as my Spotify playlist for others to enjoy!
Gravity by Sara Bareilles
perfectly reflects the trauma bond that comes from all kinds of abuse.
I came across this searching for a song I just heard. Reading through all of the comments and stories alone made me cry. My divorce was final last week, 8 years of systematically being depleted of who I was and learning to be fearful of even things that weren’t scary. There are so many helpful resources and I’m healing but reading so many others stories was like the majority had been living my life simultaneously. Trying to explain to someone who hasn’t survived it is like trying to teach someone else a language you don’t know. It breaks my heart knowing there are so many of us but also encourages me knowing we are healing and helping each other. Thank you Lisa for putting this list of songs together and allowing comments to be shared.
I’m looking through you -The Beatles